You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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