just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
