Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
