So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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