Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
