everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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