My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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