Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
