There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
