High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
