nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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