Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
