I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
