We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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