i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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