Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
