The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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