My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
