I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
