I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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