I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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