why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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