Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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