hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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