I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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