hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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