you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
