Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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