Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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