So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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