she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
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