yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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