I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
