It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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