I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
