i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
