Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
