Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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