Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
