There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
