I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
