Your tits are I can't wait for
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
