I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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