I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
