I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
