What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
