The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
