I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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