I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
