Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
